In this live video recorded at University Village in Seattle, WA, Lynn chats about why we may need to throw out some ideas of justice and consequences to help children who have been through complex trauma.
Some reasons to give good things to kids that have been naughty this year:
- The reward/consequence center of their brain is disorganized. The more we can flex that muscle through lots of patterned repetitive activity the more we can help it to grow and heal. That mean lots of rewards tied to the tiniest good behaviors are healing. Remember: therapeutic parents are more interested in growth and change than in justice.
- Their relational template is set at “don’t trust the caregivers in your life.” Let’s give them good things when they ask for them so that we associate ourselves as people who will meet their needs. Let’s answer the nonstop questions with what they are really wondering “Of course I am going to take care of you and meet every need, you can just relax and be a kid.”
- They often see themselves as bad kids not worth anything. Let’s show them they have value beyond just their behaviors. “You had a horrible day, let’s snuggle before bed cause that must have worn you out.”