Forever Homes Online Communtiy

Illness, Claiming Fake

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:24:49 +0000

A sick child should be in bed resting. Parents don’t always know if it is a real illness or acting class. I treat them the same. I put them to bed, make chicken soup and insist on a minimum 24 hours of quiet bed rest. If they are really ill, it is the proper treatment. If they are faking it, it cures that too (we call it boredom therapy). If the child needs medical attention, such as a fever, get them help.

Hygiene

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:15:34 +0000

Children with low self-image often have trouble bathing, shampooing, teeth brushing, changing under garments and selecting clean clothes. Smelling good is not a prerequisite for love. We are capable of loving all kinds of smelly creatures. The best approach is to give the child the responsibility and stand back. It must be the child that carries all the concern over these issues. Give much more attention for doing it right than for doing it wrong!

Hair & Clothing

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:12:43 +0000

Wild haircuts and clothing. Gangster or drug-lord wanna-be hair do’s or clothing are not financed by parents or other educated adults. Period. A hair do is a statement of “who your child is”. If you want your child choosing a very rebellious hairdo, simply demand your choice of hairstyle repeatedly as the child grows. As soon as the child has the means to select his own hairdo, he will. If your son shows up with two-foot tall purple spikes, or your daughter has her head shaved, you are not required to look at them. They still need your love. A nice solution would be to assure them, in order to dine with you, they will wear a hat. Children who are making bad decisions, being rude, and acting inappropriately, often lose their hair spray, moose, or gel, privilege. Often, bizarre hairdos require these products and will go limp and look better without them. Warning: this often causes the child to keep a supply on hand at a friend’s or in the school locker. You have no control over these places. Don’t even try! You will lose. You can win in your home while your child is with you. Fun family activities often require a child to be clean with appropriate appearance. The child then may stay home or go to day care. Caution: Do not leave the child feeling rejected and unloved. It is very, very important to let him know he is very loved and that you are taking care of yourself by not choosing to be humiliated in front of family and friends.

Option: Take him to church on Sunday, a ball game, sports activity, or a swimming pool with the hairdo and act as if nothing is askew. Let the stares and the snickers from others get the message through to the child. Often this technique works much more rapidly than anything you could say.

Friends

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:08:01 +0000

Friends can become a barrier if you are not prepared. This will be especially true if the child has privileges they have not earned, such as going to the movies or talking on the phone. A child will often find it easier to talk to peers rather than parents. On family outings such as church or movies, your child does not separate from your family to be with friends. The friend can join you under your supervision. Friends that your child chooses are a direct reflection of your child’s self-image. Parents get so concerned the child will learn bad things from peers that they freak out. The odds are, your child will rub off on them. You have no control over which your child chooses to spend time with in school. Because a child needs to feel accepted by his peers, it is very painful when a parent tears his selection to shreds verbally. When you tear down his friends you tear down your child.

Option: “I would like to see your friends because I know kids pick friends that are as healthy as they are. I would like to meet your friends, so I can see how well you’re doing. If you’re hanging out with the kids that get into trouble lots, when can you bring a friend home for me to meet?”

Option: “Your choice of friends is interesting. As you get healthier, I’ll be curious to see who you’ll pick for friends.”

Food, stealing

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:04:50 +0000

They often don’t trust that you’re going to feed them. Be sure to serve three daily meals with enough to fill little stomachs. Most food stealing occurs at night. You can eliminate this problem with a door chime.

Option: We use a kangaroo pouch (a bag on their belt) filled with individually wrapped goodies. Tell the child “I put love in each one of these so whenever you are feeling empty you can eat some and take in my love.” That way they will last a lot longer.

Food, picky eaters

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:01:41 +0000

Everyone is entitled to one or two foods they absolutely abhor. I let them pick their top two and I don’t serve them. When the list of what they won’t eat is longer than the list of what they will eat, it’s a behavior problem that needs to be solved. Powerful parents give very small portions to picky eaters with second helping always available when the plate is empty. Keep the child’s least favorite foods to a minimum in the beginning but do serve them. If the child does not eat what is on their plate, they are obviously too full for dessert. Do not prepare meals according to what His Royal Highness desires. Prepare them according to your tastes and the child’s nutritional needs.

Food, not eating

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 19:00:20 +0000

It is impossible to force a child to eat, however, be very careful. Have a medical doctor on your team. If the condition gets severe, the doctor should set a minimum weight for the child and when the child pushes the issue that far they should be hospitalized and tube fed. Parents who push food at an oppositional child are setting up an opposition to eating. Awesome parents offer food three times a day and do not force, coerce or bribe their child to eat.

Food issues

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 18:58:59 +0000

Food Issues are impossible to control. You cannot make them swallow! Your child will put into his mouth what he wants to put into his mouth and the more you try to control it the more weird choices he will make. This has escalated from green beans to eating toothpaste and rocks as the child shows the parent he will control his own mouth. Sickening snack choices such as used gum from a sidewalk, boogers, or worms can be dealt with in fun ways.

Option: Upon seeing this gross intake by your favorite gourmet, you may reply, “Oh, good! I love it when kids find their own lunch/dinner. I was going out to Me Donald’s.This will save me money now that you’ve already eaten.”

Option: for a child seen selecting tasty sidewalk snacks. “I’m so glad you don’t mind touching gross stuff. Before lunch, I want you to collect ten pieces of used gum and put it in a nice line for me to see. This is a great way to help clean up our environment. Good thing we have you!”

Food, Hiding

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 18:54:00 +0000

Children with Attachment Disorder don’t trust and feel it necessary to have a stash for starving times even though you have never kept food from them.

Option: Give them a stash of non-perishable nutritious food, such as, peanut butter and crackers in a dog proof, mouse proof, bug proof container to hide in their room.

Option: For missing perishable food pay another child a quarter to locate it.

Food Hassles

Community Administrator — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 18:51:27 +0000

Food Hassles can lead to drug abuse. A child forced to be vegetarian or on a sugar- free diet or any case where certain foods are withheld, often, as soon as they are able, will put in their body exactly what they want. Commonly, it’s drugs. Teaching your child how to take care of himself by example and giving lots of permission for the child to make wise decisions is the best way to teach your child how to eat. If you choose to eliminate certain foods from your diet; that is your choice. Forcing your food opinions on your child will cause problems.

Option: Give your child the information needed to make his own decision. Share with him your beliefs, purchase good food and only keep food you approve of in your home. You cannot control what your child puts in his mouth in your absence. If you try to do so, you will fail and your child will pay for your failure. Often teenagers need to rebel with food for several years but if taught well, with love, will return to your wise instruction. Parents with these issues need to relax.

Caution: A child with a health condition requiring a special diet can be driven to drug abuse by an overzealous parent!